Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
