Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
