why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
