I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
