The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
