I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
