girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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