hotel room ftw
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
