none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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