why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
