it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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