ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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