I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
