i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Girls should come with a carfax report
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
