So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
