the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
