Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
