My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
