one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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