I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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