Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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