Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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