after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
