Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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