Acid is not a monday night drug
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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