Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
