Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
