i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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