Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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