Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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