I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
