Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
