she looked like the before picture.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
