i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
