Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize