so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
