Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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