mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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