no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
