dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
should my penis look like a turkey
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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