pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
