i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The air was thick with penises
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
