please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
