I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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