Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Jerry, you need to find god
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
