I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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