i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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