im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
