My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You ate ashes out of my bong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
