So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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