I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
