sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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