I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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