It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
