The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize