i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
