how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
