my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
