Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
