I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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