the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
