Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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