I smell stomach acid.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
