The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
