The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
