we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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