I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
